They Say Men Lie, But I Think They’re Honest
They say men lie, but honestly, I think they’re often more honest than we give them credit for. When a man says he’s “going through a lot,” believe him. Don’t overanalyze it, don’t try to read between the lines, and definitely don’t convince yourself it’s a challenge for you to prove how loyal, patient, or understanding you can be. What he’s telling you, in plain terms, is that his priorities right now are elsewhere. And while that’s fair, everyone has their struggles, it’s not your job to pause your life and pour all your energy into fixing him or the situation.
If he starts to pull away, if the texts become less frequent, if the calls stop altogether, if his presence becomes sporadic and you find yourself wondering where you stand, stop and ask yourself, is this the kind of dynamic I want to build my life around? It’s easy to hold on, to rationalize his behaviour, and to wait for him to “come around.” But is that fair to you? Love isn’t about lingering in the background while someone figures out if they want to make space for you. It’s not about sitting in silence, patiently enduring emotional distance, hoping your loyalty will eventually tip the scales in your favour.
I get it. Society teaches us that women are supposed to be endlessly patient, that holding it down for someone through the hard times is what makes us “good women.” We’re told to prove our worth by how much we can endure, as if the reward for waiting, sacrificing, and shrinking ourselves will be the relationship we’ve always wanted. But let me tell you something, love doesn’t work like that. Your value isn’t determined by how long you can tolerate being someone’s emotional afterthought.
When a man is going through a lot, he doesn’t need you to become his therapist or his emotional caretaker. What he needs, whether he realizes it or not, is space to deal with his issues. And that space might mean you’re not part of the equation right now, as harsh as that sounds. It’s not your responsibility to fill in the gaps of his uncertainty or take on the weight of his struggles. You can care about someone deeply and still decide that the situation isn’t healthy for you.
The truth is, people don’t change because we love them harder or try to fix them. People change because they want to, because they’re ready to, and because they’re actively working on themselves. And even if they do change, that doesn’t guarantee they’ll choose you. Waiting in the hope of something better while someone gives you half-hearted effort is a recipe for heartbreak.
You deserve a love that is steady, clear, and intentional. You deserve someone who chooses you every day, without hesitation or confusion. That kind of love doesn’t leave you guessing or make you feel like you’re asking for too much. And you don’t find that love by settling for crumbs, by staying in situations that make you feel undervalued, or by waiting for someone to decide you’re worthy of their time and energy.
So if you’re in a situation where the energy is inconsistent, where you feel like an afterthought, or where the effort you’re giving isn’t being returned, take a step back. Look at the bigger picture. Is this the kind of relationship you’d want your daughter, sister, or best friend to have? If the answer is no, then it’s time to let go. Because the love you deserve isn’t found in waiting for someone to come around, it’s found in knowing your worth and being unapologetic about it.
